Tribute to Vivien Joyce (Jackson) Cherniak
b. 08-20-30 d. 12-05-05My mother, Vivien Joyce Cherniak, is pictured above at the age of 17.
Below is an excerpt from the eulogy I made at her memorial service on June 10, 2006 at Caistorville United Church:
“This day marks the end of a long passage for our small family…
As a close friend of Dad’s recently reminded me, Mom was deeply true to herself, and clearly griefstruck when Gene died. Her story is much like other women of her generation who survive their husbands: she soldiered on after Dad died, living an independent existence after more than 40 years of companionship. But as I put together the photographs for an album chronicling her life, I saw the toll that grieving took.
Psychiatrist Victor Frankl survived a German concentration camp, and wrote about the desperation of painful experiences in “Man’s Search for Meaning”. He told the story of an elderly man who suffered from severe depression after the death of his wife. He loved her, and missed her terribly.
Frankl said to the man, “What would have happened if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?” The Man said, “Oh, for her, this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!” Frankl then said, “Such suffering has been spared her, and it was you who spared her this suffering – at the price that you now have to mourn her death.” The man left his office that day changed. The situation had not changed – he was still alone and his wife was gone – but his attitude toward the situation had changed. [1]
Viv spared Gene the suffering she endured mourning his death. She fought back from a debilitating stroke, so that we could share more time with her. Now it is our turn to spare her more suffering and pay the price of grief.
As I mourn her death, I find comfort in remembering the sanctity of life. As David Ireland writes in “Perfecting Your Purpose”: “Your life’s purpose ultimately stems from God. Therefore, your purpose is bigger than your pain: your purpose will outlive your pain.”[2] I know Mom would want us to start living again, and to honour God as we serve and love one another.”
[1] “Perfecting Your Purpose” 40 Days to a More Meaningful Life, p. 167; David D. Ireland, PhD. (2005) New York: Warner Faith.
[2] “Perfecting Your Purpose”, p. 165.
“This day marks the end of a long passage for our small family…
As a close friend of Dad’s recently reminded me, Mom was deeply true to herself, and clearly griefstruck when Gene died. Her story is much like other women of her generation who survive their husbands: she soldiered on after Dad died, living an independent existence after more than 40 years of companionship. But as I put together the photographs for an album chronicling her life, I saw the toll that grieving took.
Psychiatrist Victor Frankl survived a German concentration camp, and wrote about the desperation of painful experiences in “Man’s Search for Meaning”. He told the story of an elderly man who suffered from severe depression after the death of his wife. He loved her, and missed her terribly.
Frankl said to the man, “What would have happened if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?” The Man said, “Oh, for her, this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!” Frankl then said, “Such suffering has been spared her, and it was you who spared her this suffering – at the price that you now have to mourn her death.” The man left his office that day changed. The situation had not changed – he was still alone and his wife was gone – but his attitude toward the situation had changed. [1]
Viv spared Gene the suffering she endured mourning his death. She fought back from a debilitating stroke, so that we could share more time with her. Now it is our turn to spare her more suffering and pay the price of grief.
As I mourn her death, I find comfort in remembering the sanctity of life. As David Ireland writes in “Perfecting Your Purpose”: “Your life’s purpose ultimately stems from God. Therefore, your purpose is bigger than your pain: your purpose will outlive your pain.”[2] I know Mom would want us to start living again, and to honour God as we serve and love one another.”
[1] “Perfecting Your Purpose” 40 Days to a More Meaningful Life, p. 167; David D. Ireland, PhD. (2005) New York: Warner Faith.
[2] “Perfecting Your Purpose”, p. 165.
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